


Without Me

by HurricaneShepherdess



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Depression, Eating Disorders, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 07:14:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30119094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HurricaneShepherdess/pseuds/HurricaneShepherdess
Summary: Spoilers for Grey's Anatomy season 11 and references to Private Practice season 5.After Derek's death Amelia searches for a way to 'deal' with her immense grief. All her friends try to help her through it but she still finds it super difficult, as she starts using bad coping mechanisms, things just end up getting worse.
Relationships: Addison Montgomery/Amelia Shepherd, Arizona Robbins/Amelia Shepherd
Kudos: 4





	1. Sweater

A/N: This story is based after Derek's death and follows Amelia's journey of healing after her loss. It contains descriptions of self-harm, eating disorders, drug and alcohol abuse so if any of these trigger you please don't read this story for your own safety. Thank you. ~ 𝒜𝒹𝒹𝒾𝑒 ❤️

Amelia laid on her bed, staring up at the ceiling while tears poured down her cheeks and onto the pillow beneath her. Her heart wrenched as she tried to remember the last conversation that she had with Derek, the last time she saw his face or anything but she couldn't.

All she could feel was her heart thumping out of her chest and the taste of salt that was now present on her lips from her tears. Amelia wanted to sink into the bed, she wished that she could just disappear without a trace, but she knew that was impossible.

Amelia was unsure of how much time had passed as she laid in the darkness but she didn't care either. The curtains were closed and her phone was off so it was just her, her bed and the darkness. She wasn't sure if anyone was looking for her but she didn't really care anyways, nothing mattered to her anymore. All she wanted was a hug from her big brother, but she couldn't because he was dead.

She finally heard a knock on the door but decided to ignore it. It seemed to quieten down but then, it got way louder. They started banging on the door as hard as they could. "Amelia! Open the door or I'm going to smash it in!" Amelia heard Addison yell and she was immediately alert, groaning and sitting up in bed and walking out to the door. 

She glanced out the peep hole and Addison waiting for her to open the door. Addison looked upset and worried with tear stains on her cheeks. Amelia sighed, unlocking the door and open it. Instead of greeting them she just walked back to her room, laying back down on her bed and staring at the ceiling again.

"Hey, how are you doing?" Addison asked softly, walking over to Amelia's room and peeping her head in. Amelia looked like a mess, her hair was a big ball of knots and she stunk, it seemed like the girl just forgot about any personal hygiene because she was too caught up in her grief.

"I'm fine" Amelia grumbled, turning onto her side to face the wall so Addison couldn't see how broken she was. Addison obviously didn't believe her and switched on the light, walking over to Amelia's bed side and sitting next to her. 

"Okay.. I believe you" Addison lied and started to stroke the girl's back. "But how about we have a wash?" Addison asked and Amelia just nodded, crawling onto Addison's lap and staying there, like a hurt little kid. "This is Derek's sweater though... it still smells like him" Amelia mumbled into Addison's chest.

"We can leave that in a drawer so you can smell it anytime you miss him, alright?" Addison asked and Amelia just nodded. "Now, come on" Addison smiled and lifted Amelia into the bathroom. Amelia was so small and slim so it was easy for Addison to lift her.

Addison placed Amelia on the top of the toilet seat and began to run a bath, making sure that it was the perfect temperature. Once it was, she helped Amelia out of her clothes and placed her in the bath. It wasn't weird though because they were practically sisters. 

Addison left the room and went to grab a towel, leaving them on the floor in front of the tub. She grabbed the sweater that Amelia was wearing and folded it neatly, bringing it out and placing it in the corner of Amelia's drawer, making sure that it was separated from all the other clothes.

After Addison was done cleaning and organising everything that she had to, she went back to the bathroom to help Amelia. Amelia had calmed down by now but there were still tears in her eyes, which was expected. "Can I help you wash your hair?" Addison asked and Amelia nodded taking her hair out of the messy ponytail. Addison rushed out to grab a hair brush and brought it back in to the bathroom with her.

Addison poured some shampoo on her hand and placed it on Amelia's hair, massaging it into her scalp soothingly before she washed it out once again. She did the same with the conditioner and afterwards began to brush out Amelia's hair.

"Ow! Ow! Ow!" Amelia laughed and Addison laughed along with her, happy that her supposed little sister was laughing once again. "Fine, if it hurts so much then why don't we cut it a bit shorter?" Addison suggested, smirking at Amelia. Amelia thought about it for a second before replying, "Do it" Amelia said daringly, smirking back at Addison.

Addison went and got the scissors and cut Amelia's hair up to shoulder length and then started brushing it again. "Addison, are you sure you did it right? It feels clumpy" Amelia laughed nervously, feeling the unevenness of her hair. "Uh, not 100% sure but oops I guess?" Addison laughed as well.

"You cut my hair with no experience? Satan!!!" Amelia growled jokingly, starting to splash water at Addison. Addison responded with a scream and she covered her face while she laughed. "Water gremlin!" Addison joked back hiding herself behind a towel.

Amelia finally stopped splashing Addison so she went back to brushing her hair. "I miss when we used to laugh and have fun like this" Amelia sighed contentedly, and Addison nodded. "Agreed" She responded.

"Your hair is perfect" Addison smiled pridefully, ruffling Amelia's hair a little. "If you ignore the uneven clumps" Amelia joked and they both laughed. Addison helped Amelia out of the bath and grabbed her favourite outfit, throwing it over to her and sitting on the bed to wait. 

Amelia's bedsheets smelt bad so Addison took them off, throwing them in the washing machine alongside Amelia's dirty clothes. She was glad that Amelia was feeling better and she hoped that she wouldn't get super upset again.

"Thanks Addie" Amelia smiled from the doorway, thankful that Addison was helping her the best that she could. "No problem, Amy" Addison responded out of habit but realised that she shouldn't have when Amelia began to sob into her hands quietly. A/N: This story is based after Derek's death and follows Amelia's journey of healing after her loss. It contains descriptions of self-harm, eating disorders, drug and alcohol abuse so if any of these trigger you please don't read this story for your own safety. Thank you. ~ 𝒜𝒹𝒹𝒾𝑒 ❤️

Amelia laid on her bed, staring up at the ceiling while tears poured down her cheeks and onto the pillow beneath her. Her heart wrenched as she tried to remember the last conversation that she had with Derek, the last time she saw his face or anything but she couldn't.

All she could feel was her heart thumping out of her chest and the taste of salt that was now present on her lips from her tears. Amelia wanted to sink into the bed, she wished that she could just disappear without a trace, but she knew that was impossible.

Amelia was unsure of how much time had passed as she laid in the darkness but she didn't care either. The curtains were closed and her phone was off so it was just her, her bed and the darkness. She wasn't sure if anyone was looking for her but she didn't really care anyways, nothing mattered to her anymore. All she wanted was a hug from her big brother, but she couldn't because he was dead.

She finally heard a knock on the door but decided to ignore it. It seemed to quieten down but then, it got way louder. They started banging on the door as hard as they could. "Amelia! Open the door or I'm going to smash it in!" Amelia heard Addison yell and she was immediately alert, groaning and sitting up in bed and walking out to the door. 

She glanced out the peep hole and Addison waiting for her to open the door. Addison looked upset and worried with tear stains on her cheeks. Amelia sighed, unlocking the door and open it. Instead of greeting them she just walked back to her room, laying back down on her bed and staring at the ceiling again.

"Hey, how are you doing?" Addison asked softly, walking over to Amelia's room and peeping her head in. Amelia looked like a mess, her hair was a big ball of knots and she stunk, it seemed like the girl just forgot about any personal hygiene because she was too caught up in her grief.

"I'm fine" Amelia grumbled, turning onto her side to face the wall so Addison couldn't see how broken she was. Addison obviously didn't believe her and switched on the light, walking over to Amelia's bed side and sitting next to her. 

"Okay.. I believe you" Addison lied and started to stroke the girl's back. "But how about we have a wash?" Addison asked and Amelia just nodded, crawling onto Addison's lap and staying there, like a hurt little kid. "This is Derek's sweater though... it still smells like him" Amelia mumbled into Addison's chest.

"We can leave that in a drawer so you can smell it anytime you miss him, alright?" Addison asked and Amelia just nodded. "Now, come on" Addison smiled and lifted Amelia into the bathroom. Amelia was so small and slim so it was easy for Addison to lift her.

Addison placed Amelia on the top of the toilet seat and began to run a bath, making sure that it was the perfect temperature. Once it was, she helped Amelia out of her clothes and placed her in the bath. It wasn't weird though because they were practically sisters. 

Addison left the room and went to grab a towel, leaving them on the floor in front of the tub. She grabbed the sweater that Amelia was wearing and folded it neatly, bringing it out and placing it in the corner of Amelia's drawer, making sure that it was separated from all the other clothes.

After Addison was done cleaning and organising everything that she had to, she went back to the bathroom to help Amelia. Amelia had calmed down by now but there were still tears in her eyes, which was expected. "Can I help you wash your hair?" Addison asked and Amelia nodded taking her hair out of the messy ponytail. Addison rushed out to grab a hair brush and brought it back in to the bathroom with her.

Addison poured some shampoo on her hand and placed it on Amelia's hair, massaging it into her scalp soothingly before she washed it out once again. She did the same with the conditioner and afterwards began to brush out Amelia's hair.

"Ow! Ow! Ow!" Amelia laughed and Addison laughed along with her, happy that her supposed little sister was laughing once again. "Fine, if it hurts so much then why don't we cut it a bit shorter?" Addison suggested, smirking at Amelia. Amelia thought about it for a second before replying, "Do it" Amelia said daringly, smirking back at Addison.

Addison went and got the scissors and cut Amelia's hair up to shoulder length and then started brushing it again. "Addison, are you sure you did it right? It feels clumpy" Amelia laughed nervously, feeling the unevenness of her hair. "Uh, not 100% sure but oops I guess?" Addison laughed as well.

"You cut my hair with no experience? Satan!!!" Amelia growled jokingly, starting to splash water at Addison. Addison responded with a scream and she covered her face while she laughed. "Water gremlin!" Addison joked back hiding herself behind a towel.

Amelia finally stopped splashing Addison so she went back to brushing her hair. "I miss when we used to laugh and have fun like this" Amelia sighed contentedly, and Addison nodded. "Agreed" She responded.

"Your hair is perfect" Addison smiled pridefully, ruffling Amelia's hair a little. "If you ignore the uneven clumps" Amelia joked and they both laughed. Addison helped Amelia out of the bath and grabbed her favourite outfit, throwing it over to her and sitting on the bed to wait. 

Amelia's bedsheets smelt bad so Addison took them off, throwing them in the washing machine alongside Amelia's dirty clothes. She was glad that Amelia was feeling better and she hoped that she wouldn't get super upset again.

"Thanks Addie" Amelia smiled from the doorway, thankful that Addison was helping her the best that she could. "No problem, Amy" Addison responded out of habit but realised that she shouldn't have when Amelia began to sob into her hands quietly.


	2. Pager

A/N: Before I start it's not Addison x Amelia, they love each other as sisters and nothing more. Ty! ~ ❤️

"Oh no... Amelia, I'm so sorry!" Addison gasped, rushing over to the now-crying girl. "Are you alright? I didn't mean to upset you, I'm so sorry Amelia" Addison kept apologising but Amelia didn't care. She began to shiver and crawled into Addison's arms, melting from her warm touch. 

"Hold me..." Amelia sobbed into Addison's shoulder. Addison just picked her up and carried her onto the couch, sitting down but still holding Amelia as close to her as she could. "I really miss him Addie" Amelia sighed, still clutching tightly onto Addison.

"I know sweetheart, I know" Addison replied soothingly, running her fingers through the girl's hair. Amelia slowly began to calm down as her breathing slowed to a normal rhythm. She could hear Addison's heartbeat and the longer she listened, the more her heartbeat mimicked Addison's; slow and steady.

Once Addison concluded that Amelia felt a little better, she thought of a great idea. "Hey Amelia" Addison said, making sure to not say 'Amy'. "How about we go on a huge shopping spree, my treat?" Addison suggested and Amelia's face lit up in excitement, "Really?" Amelia asked excitedly and Addison nodded, "Yes, really!"

"Come on then, let's go!" Amelia jumped up and ran to the door, her mood changing in a split second. Amelia thought back to when she was younger and how cool it was to hang out with Addison, and in this moment in time, she felt like an excited little kid again, hanging out with her cool, big sister Addison.

Addison smiled and stood up also, happy that even after several years, Amelia's reaction was still the same since she was little. It made Addison's heart tingle and she suddenly felt so proud of Amelia and how far she had came. 

She grabbed her car keys from her pocket and led Amelia outside after her, hopping in the drivers seat and moving her handbag off of the passenger's seat so that Amelia could sit down. "Thank you Addie, you really know how to cheer me up" Amelia smiled more, really thankful for Addison.

"No problem" Addison smiled and cherished the moment. Every time that Amelia called her 'Addie' it made her heart flutter, her voice would change to a more childish, happy tone and seeing her little sister happy would always make her day, no matter what.

They arrived at the shopping centre quite quickly because it was just down the road from Amelia's house and they both jumped out of the car excitedly. "What shop first?" Addison asked Amelia as they both walked in and Amelia thought for a second before responding, "Forever 21"

"Alrighty!" Addison replied happily, putting her sunglasses on to block the sun from her eyes. "Damn Addison, you look trendy" Amelia laughed and so did Addison. Addison jokingly turned towards Amelia, smirked and winked and that made them both laugh more.

"Rawrrr!" Amelia amped Addison up a bit more and they were just both really happen. "Rawrrrr" Addison growled back once they walked into the shop. Everything there just screamed 'Amelia' and it made Addison laugh, assuming that this was where Amelia always shopped.

Her suspicions were proved to be true when Amelia confidently strolled past most of the clothes and arrived in a section that screamed 'Amelia' even more. There was leather jackets, jeans and crop tops all in the style Amelia loved to wear and it just made Addison laugh. 

"So, this is where you usually shop?" Addison asked and Amelia nodded, giving Addison a confused look. "Always, but how did you know?" Amelia tilted her head obliviously and Addison just laughed. "Just a lucky guess" She shrugged her shoulders.

They were both having fun picking outfits and doing a miniature fashion show in the dressing rooms, until Addison's pager went off. "Am- Amelia, I'm so sorry it's a 911" Addison sighed, just barely catching herself before she said 'Amy'. Amelia gave her a disappointed sigh but knew that she couldn't do anything to make Addison stay.

"Here's my card and car keys, I'll take a taxi and you can buy anything. Go wild" Addison smiled, handing her credit card and keys to Amelia. Amelia nodded and faked a smile, making sure to wave as Addison walked away.

'Damn it, damn it, damn it...' Amelia thought to herself, squeezing her hands into tight fists at her sides. She took deep breaths and finally released her hands, looking down and seeing broken skin from where her nails had pierced it. 'I'm okay, we're okay'. Amelia told herself in her head, continuing to take deep breaths.

Instead of buying more clothes she just checked out with the ones that she had already chosen. Since Addison had left so suddenly, her mood changed drastically, no longer happy but now disappointed and upset. She walked out of the shop after paying and walked through the shopping centre, this time paying more attention to the shops.

On the right hand side she saw a shoe shop, a coffee shop, another clothing store which she had never heard of before and an ice cream/frozen yoghurt store. On the left she saw a pharmacy which she payed no attention to, a dollar store, a McDonald's but then she saw a liquor store. Something about the store drew her in, even though she was trying her best not to look. 

The shop just looked so appealing, with the bright coloured price labels and the expensive-looking beverages she had to walk in, just to look. When she entered, her eyes were set on her favourite drink; some Skyy vodka. Amelia walked over and placed her hands on the bottle, searching for the comfort it once gave her, and it still gave her that comfort. 

She felt guilty buying alcohol with Addison's card, but she brought no money so it seemed to be her only choice. She grabbed one bottle and placed it on the countertop, scanning Addison's card before putting it back into her pocket, and heading out to the car.

She knew that when Addison would look at her online banking she would see that Amelia had bought alcohol, but she hoped that she wouldn't notice for a while, she hoped that she would have a chance to drink some. Just one glass.


	3. Pasta

Once Amelia arrived home, she was relieved to find that Addison wasn't there yet. She unpacked her stuff from the car and carried it in, placing them all in her bedroom bar the liquor. She took the vodka out of the bag and headed to the kitchen, grabbing a glass and pouring it in.

Amelia knew that she shouldn't, she knew that this would be really hard to come back for, but she felt like she really needed it. So she picked up the glass and took one sip, relishing in the comfort it was giving her. Amelia finished the first glass quickly, so she poured another one and began to drink.

That's when Amelia heard loud, panicked banging on the door. "Amelia! Amelia! Open the door! Amelia!" Addison yelled, continuing to bang the door. Amelia sighed, knowing that she would be in trouble so she finished the glass and hid the vodka bottle.

She went to the door and opened it, smiling at Addison. "Hey Addie" Amelia spoke clearly but Addison didn't respond as kindly. She barged in and stood right by Amelia's face, "Breath on me." Addison said sternly and Amelia just stayed quiet for a second before breathing out, knowing it would smell like alcohol.

"Amelia!" Addison yelped, grabbing the girl and holding her tightly in her arms to try and protect her. "Where's the bottle?" She asked but Amelia just shook her head 'no'. "Amelia, tell me" Addison sighed, stroking Amelia on the back. 

"You just had one glass, right?" Addison asked but she could tell by the guilty look on Amelia's face that it was more. "Two?" Addison tilted her head and Amelia nodded, still feeling really bad. Most people couldn't, but Addison could see how much Amelia was hurting just by looking in her eyes. 

"It's alright... how about you show me the outfits you chose?" Addison smiled and Amelia nodded, leading Addison into her room. She showed Addison that she had 4 big bags, all full of clothes. "Sorry... it was expensive and I didn't really choose anything else when you left so there's nothing new here" Amelia mumbled, stuttering on a few of the words. 

"Watch this" Addison began to laugh, grabbing one of Amelia's new outfits and putting it on herself to try and cheer her up. It worked a little as Amelia started laughing.

"You look silly in that" Amelia laughed, covering her mouth in embarrassment. "Sorry, sorry" She apologised, trying to stifle her laughter.

"It's fine, I do look silly. It's cute though, right?" Addison smiled, placing her hand on one hip. She knew that Amelia was drunk, but she still didn't want her to be upset. "Yeah, you do" Amelia smiled and laid down on her bed which had no sheet, cuddling up to her knees.

"Are you okay?" Addison asked and Amelia nodded. "Just tired" She sighed. Addison nodded back and crawled over to sit on the bed, picking up Amelia and rocking her in her arms until she fell asleep. Once Amelia was asleep, she carried her out and placed her down on the couch.

When Amelia was sleeping soundly on the couch, Addison decided to search the house for any alcohol or drugs or just bad stuff for Amelia. In Amelia's bedroom, she found nothing out of the ordinary and in the bathroom she didn't either. 

When she looked in the kitchen, though, that's when she found the half empty bottle of vodka. She sighed to herself and poured it down the drain, taking the bottle in her handbag. She continued to search but couldn't find anything so she sighed in relief, sitting beside the countertop.

Addison became hungry as she sat there waiting for Amelia, but when she opened the fridge there was no food. She contemplated for a few minutes about what she should do but she decided that she should go and buy some food so when Amelia woke up she could eat something.

She worried about Amelia even more now, she wondered if she stopped eating again in a search for control, but she hoped not. If it was that, then making her a meal and making her eat it would be harder than it seemed.

So, she left and got in her car, driving to the supermarket just down the road. She got pastas, sauces, ice cream, crackers, butter, pancakes, bread and a few other condiments and packed them in her shopping bag. It costed her $27 but it didn't really bother her because they were all essentials.

Addison was glad to see Amelia still sleeping soundly when she arrived back. So she walked back in the house as quiet as she could. She brought her shopping bag into the kitchen and placed it onto the countertop, grabbing some pots and pans so she could cook something.

Addison poured some water into the large pot, placing it on top of a hob to let the water boil. She poured some pasta in once it had boiled and turned on the oven fan, so it wouldn't cause a fire. 

Every few minutes she peeped her head out and was relieved to see that Amelia was still sleeping. Addison poured the tomato sauce into another pot and stirred it carefully, making sure that it wouldn't stick to the bottom. 

Once she finished cooking, she grabbed two plates and served some pasta and sauce; making sure to leave two portions for Amelia to eat at another time when she got hungry. 

"Amelia, wake up" Addison said softly, walking over and nudging the girl. "Mmmm..." Amelia mumbled as she woke up, stretching her arms above her head and yawning. "I made you some pasta" Addison smiled, placing the pasta and a glass of water on the table in front of Amelia. 

"I'm not hungry" Amelia grumbled, throwing a pillow over her head. "Come on Amelia, you need to eat..." Addison sighed, taking the pillow away from her. "I don't!" Amelia suddenly snapped angrily, jumping up awake and staring at Addison with a death glare. 

"Just a few bites" Addison tried to assure Amelia, but it didn't work. "No, no, no! I don't have to eat, I'm not hungry!" Amelia shouted, standing up and running to her bathroom and locking the door after herself. "Amelia wait!" Addison yelled, running after her.


	4. Movies

A/N: Hihi! Before you read this chapter just know that it hits on several triggering topics such as eating disorders and self-harm so please before you read this make sure you're okay to do so, I wouldn't want anyone getting any bad ideas from my story. Thank you and have a nice morning/day/evening/night and if it's night, go to sleep soon! Lots of Love ~ 𝒜𝒹𝒹𝒾𝑒 ❤️ 

Addison ran after Amelia, but by the time she arrived the door had already been locked by the broken girl within. "Amelia, please let me in" Addison sighed, laying her back against the door and falling down so she was sitting on the outside of the door.

"No! You're gonna make me eat and I'm not hungry!" Amelia yelped, banging the door with her fists as hard as she could. "Amelia, please don't hurt yourself. I won't, I promise" Addison said, it was a half truth and a half lie; she wouldn't make Amelia eat now but she had to make sure the girl was eating at some stage.

"It doesn't hurt!" Amelia replied through gritted teeth, banging the door with her fist once again so try and prove her point that it didn't hurt; except this time she made a noticeable wince in pain as she took a deep, sharp breath in. "Amelia..." Addison sighed, feeling guilty because she was unsure of how to help the young girl.

"I don't care! I don't care what you say, you did this last time! You made me eat! I don't need it, none of it! I ate earlier!" Amelia shouted, running away from the door to the other side of the bathroom.

"Amelia, please just let me in. What are you doing now?" Addison asked but got no response. "Amelia?" Addison repeated but all she could hear was sharp inhales. She sounded like she was in pain.

This worried Addison so much, and she stood up and began frantically knocking on the door. "Amelia! Open the door! Now!" She yelled. "I'm fine, go away!" Amelia yelled back, it was obvious that she was crying. Addison took a deep breath and took a couple seconds to think.

'Should I really do this?' She thought but eventually decided that yes, she should. So she walked back and ran forward, charging into the door and causing it to break open. Once Addison was in, her heart shattered into a million pieces from what she saw. 

"Addison!" Amelia yelled in shock, grabbing a towel and covering her arms, dropping her blade in the meantime. "L-l-leave, n-now..." Amelia stuttered, stumbling backwards and cornering herself against the wall. 

"Amelia..." Addison sighed, wiping the tears from her eyes so she could act strong in front of Amelia. "Come here" Addison said softly, holding her arms open wide. "No" Amelia's voice shook as she held her arms tightly around herself, still covered with the towel.

Despite Amelia saying no, Addison moved over and wrapped her arms around Amelia, hugging her lightly. She wanted to give her the biggest hug ever, but didn't want to hurt the fragile girl. "Can I see...?" Addison asked and Amelia stayed silent before finally nodding, agreeing with Addison. She knew that she would have to show her at some stage, so she decided that the sooner, the better.

Amelia took the towel off and closed her eyes as Addison checked it over. "Can I get some bandages?" Addison asked and Amelia nodded, still not looking. Addison grabbed some bandages and wrapped them around Amelia's arm before pulling her into her another hug.

"Now, how about we go and watch some movies, huh?" Addison suggested. "I don't have to eat though, right?" Amelia asked and Addison nodded, smiling. "Not now no, I'm going to eat something though is that alright?" Addison tilted her head, unsure of if it would upset Amelia. "Of course you can, silly! You should see the look on your face!" Amelia laughed and grabbed Addison's elbow, dragging her to the living room.

Addison laughed as well and they both sat down, Addison started to eat Amelia's portion even though she knew that she shouldn't. She wanted Amelia to eat but she knew that now wasn't a good time so she decided to make her eat another time when she was less upset.

Amelia went onto Netflix and tried to choose a movie, but she couldn't decide. "Adddieeee, what movie should we watch?" She whined, crawling over and leaning her head onto Addison's shoulder. "Hmm, I'm not sure. Maybe Annabelle?" Addison suggested and Amelia just nodded, putting on the movie.

Amelia was terrified of the movie but decided to bare it and act strong. She didn't want to seem weak in front of her strong older sister Addie. Well, they weren't actually sisters anymore but since they've known each other for so long, they still considered each other so. 

Addison finished her pasta and placed the empty bowl on the coffee table, excited to start watching the movie. Less than 5 minutes in, though Amelia was already petrified. She was shaking and then suddenly a jump scare came. "EEK!" Amelia squealed, jumping onto Addison's lap and hiding her face in Addison's chest.

"Amelia? Are you okay? Will I turn it off?" Addison asked, suddenly feeling guilty for suggesting a horror movie when she knew that growing up Amelia hated them. Amelia just nodded in response and cuddled up to Addison, slowing her breathing and beginning to not shake. Addison turned off the movie and hugged Amelia back, trying to help her to calm down.

"I'm sorry I put that scary movie on, how about a romcom?" Addison suggested, knowing that Amelia loved those movies; well more like she loved criticising them. "Yes please" Amelia responded politely, her voice sounding vulnerable as if she were a child. "Alrighty then, a romcom it is; your choice" Addison said happily, handing Amelia the remote so she could choose a romcom.

Settling on 'Isn't it romantic', Amelia got off of Addison's lap but still cuddled her, leaning her head on her shoulder. Addison smiled down at the girl, glad that she was finally content. Amelia began to laugh at the funny parts of the movie and this made Addison smile more, happy to see her laughing instead of crying or hurting. Amelia was her little sister after all; she wanted her to be safe and happy, no matter what the cost.


	5. ‘Babysitting’

A/N: Hi all! I hope you're having a good morning/day/afternoon/night and if it's late go to sleep, this book'll probably still be here in the morning! Just an FYI, in this story the plane crash didn't happen so uh yeah! This one's a 'lil longer than the others, I hope that's good! Please only read this if you feel okay to do so. Lots of love ~ 𝒜𝒹𝒹𝒾𝑒 ❤️

Addison's pager went off once again and she groaned in annoyance. Unlike last time, she didn't feel safe leaving Amelia alone at the house nor anywhere. Amelia looked up at Addison with upset, puppy eyes trying to beg her to stay, even though she knew that it wasn't an option. Addison thought for a couple of seconds before finally deciding what to do.

"Come on, we're going to the hospital" Addison nodded to herself, standing up and holding her hand in front of Amelia so she could grab it. "Me too? Why?" Amelia asked, taking Addison's hand and standing up. Addison just shot Amelia a cheeky grin in response, "Last one to my car is a rotten egg" Addison yelled, running towards her car full speed. Amelia ran afterwards, just barely beating Addison by a meter. "Haha! Rotten egg!" Amelia teased, sticking her tongue out at Addison and hopping in the passenger seat.

Addison sighed in relief that her silly plan had worked and hopped in the car, grabbing her phone from her pocket before she drove odd. Amelia wondered what Addison was doing on her phone, but she didn't really care as she turned on her favourite CD and began to sing along. Meanwhile though, Addison texted Arizona and made sure that Amelia couldn't see her phone.

'Hey Arizona, I know we're not that close and nor are you and Amelia but can you kind of... babysit her for me?' Addison sent Arizona, feeling guilty but knowing it was for her little sister's best interests.

'Hm? Sure, but why? Is everything alright? She's kind of an adult, does she still have to be taken care of or something?' Arizona responded immediately, she didn't mean to be rude but she just needed to know what was going on and what taking care of Amelia would consist of.

'Well, she seems to be slipping once again since Derek passed away; she hasn't eaten in days and she was drinking today. She hurt herself as well, I was wondering if you could suture any of them that look like they need it. Anyways, Amelia is getting suspicious, I'll text you when I arrive.' Addison typed as fast as she could before beginning to drive. She felt bad for exposing several person details about Amelia but decided that it was just so she could stay safe.

'Oh no, that's terrible! :(' Arizona sighed in real life, wiping tears from her eyes. She couldn't imagine what Amelia was going through; well she could, but only to a certain extent. 'I'll wait at the reception. I'll see you both soon!' Arizona added and walked towards the reception. Luckily, she had no surgery today and all she had to do was check up on a couple of patients, but she was pretty much positive that Amelia wouldn't mind going around on a short peds rotation with her.

They arrived in no time and to Addison's relief, Arizona was just walking past the reception when they arrived. Addison wondered if she planned to do this to make it less suspicious, but she was glad anyways. "Addie, why won't you tell me? What am I supposed to do here?" Amelia asked, tugging at Addison's sleeve like a needy, young child. "I'm not sure. Oh look! Hey Arizona!" Addison yelled over, taking Amelia's hand and dragging her with her to see Arizona.

"Oh hey Addison, Amelia; you both look lovely today" Arizona's smile beamed, causing Amelia to blush slightly. "H-hey" Amelia responded, looking at the ground in a nervous embarrassment. "Oh Arizona, I was just going to do an emergency surgery. How about you two hang out for a while?" Addison asked and Arizona nodded way too enthusiastically. "That sounds great, how about it Amelia?" Arizona nudged Amelia slightly and received a mumbled "Mmm" in response.

"That's great, see you both later!" Addison waved. Amelia made sure to kick Addison right before she walked away, basically trying to get the message across that 'I hate you for suggesting this'. Addison chuckled as she walked away, wondering how the two would get along. She assumed alright, but knowing Amelia she could snap and get angry at how bubbly Arizona was pretty quickly.

"I have to check on a few patients first but after that I'm free for anything; coffees or whatever." Arizona explained. "Here!" She smiled, handing Amelia a teddy bear to attach onto her cloning; even though she wasn't in her proper scrubs or lab coat, she still hoped that Amelia would still put it on. Amelia rolled her eyes and reluctantly placed it in her pocket, a bit pissed off about the annoying and childish antics that Arizona used.

Arizona skid across the floor on her roller skates and Amelia ran after her, beginning to laugh. Maybe peds was more fun than it seemed, but that could just be Arizona's brainwashing! Amelia thought but laughed more at this, as she knew Arizona wasn't a brain washer she was just a really energetic and bubbly person.

Amelia remembered fondly back to Hopkins, noticing how Arizona hasn't changed at all. She felt like a stranger now, yes, but it seemed as if she still had her goofy personality and cheeriness that she spread around to anyone around her. Amelia wasn't looking forward to having to deal with all the cheeriness, but now she realised that it was just what she needed. Arizona glanced back and smiled at the sight of the girl running just behind her, laughing like she never had before. Amelia smiled back at Arizona and finally caught up, running right beside her now.

Once Amelia caught up, Arizona passed her back the patient files and they both got in the elevator. "So, only 3 patients." Amelia asked, just making sure. "Yep, I checked on the rest earlier" Arizona confirmed and Amelia nodded in response, beginning to read through the files. Arizona admired how focused the girl now was; reading through the charts like they were the most important documents in the world.

"These are all just appendectomy post-op patients" Amelia looked over to Arizona, confused. Arizona laughed and nodded, "See, I told you it's an easy day" She smiled and the elevator opened, letting both of them walk out and head to the rooms. "I thought they would at least be fun" Amelia sighed and rolled her eyes but decided that it was better than lying in bed all day.

"Oh! Where has Benji gone?" Arizona gasped as she walked in, causing Amelia to giggle a little along with the little boy. "Is he... here?!?" Arizona wondered out loud, opening the wardrobe but not seeing Benjamin. Little giggles could be heard from under the covers, but were ignored by both Arizona, Amelia and the boy's mother. "Is he in your pocket Dr. Robbins?" Amelia asked and Arizona gasped. "Oh maybe! I'll check!" Arizona responded, winking at Amelia to thank her for playing along. "No not here..." She sighed, looking around the whole room.

"I'm not sure, maybe here?" Arizona asked and pulled the covers off the giggling boy. "There you are!" Arizona smiled, tickling him lightly. "Now, my friend Amelia here has a few questions; do you mind answering them?" Arizona knelt down by his bedside and asked him, he responded in a nod and Amelia walked over. "On a scale of 1 to 10, how much does your tummy hurt?" Amelia asked in a high-pitched voice, one that a child would love. "Only a 5 and a half, it was a 12 yesterday!" The boy exclaimed happily. 

"5 and a half..." Amelia pondered out loud, "You know what a half is?" Amelia asked, pretending to be shocked by the boy's intelligence. "Yeah! My teacher told me it's the middle point between two numbers that are beside each other!" Benjamin replied happily and Amelia laughed. "Well you are one smart young man. Now, I have one more question. Does anywhere other than your tummy hurt?" Amelia asked and the boy shook his head, "Nope!" He responded. "Well that's perfect!" Amelia smiled and Arizona stood up, ruffling the boy's hair. "Thank you for answering the questions so well Benji! I'll check on you again later alright? I have to check on some other kids now okay?" Arizona asked and Benjamin nodded, so Arizona smiled at his mother before rollerskating out the door, making Amelia run after her once again.

The same happened with the other two kids and afterwards, Arizona thought to herself about where to bring Amelia. "I'm really thirsty for some coffee and I'm a bit hungry after all that work, want to come get some coffee with me?" Arizona asked, making sure not to directly ask Amelia to go and have a snack with her. "Just coffee?" Amelia asked and Arizona sighed, not wanting to push the girl. "If that's what you want, yes!" Arizona said joyfully and Amelia nodded, starting to walk alongside Arizona. Arizona went slowly so that she could have a conversation with Amelia on the way to the coffee shop down the road.

"It's weird the fact that we're both working at the same hospital again, when we parted ways at Hopkins I thought I'd never see you again" Arizona explained, "I mean, I thought we were super close but then I'm not sure, maybe faith brought us together? But is there even a such thing as faith?" Arizona blabbered on. "Hush" Amelia laughed and Arizona laughed back. "It's just, you're properly grown up now" Arizona added.

"How do you think I feel, coming here for my brother and seeing you; married to another woman at that." Amelia replied, suddenly stopping walking and staring at Arizona, as a dark glint appeared in her eye but disappeared just as fast. "Amelia, are you jealous?" Arizona asked, she could tell what that glint was anytime, anywhere. She saw it before when Arizona introduced Amelia to her old girlfriend's back in the day. 

"No? Why would I be jealous?" Amelia quipped, pushing her hair out of her face. "I'm straight, I'm with Owen. I love him, or.. yeah, I love him." Amelia concluded, continuing to walk once again. Arizona wondered if Amelia didn't know yet, if she didn't know that she wasn't straight. Arizona's gaydar was on point, it was perfect and every time Amelia was around, it would buzz in her head. She saw the way that Amelia stared at other girls, heck, she even saw the way that Amelia stared at her. She wasn't going to mention that now, though, adding a sexuality crisis on top of all of Amelia's issues was not going to help things.


	6. Biscuits

"Alright, alright" Arizona nodded in 'agreement' as they walked into the coffee shop. "What are you getting? I'm definitely getting a hot chocolate with whipped cream, marshmallows, chocolate shreds and coffee biscuits on the side!" Arizona ranted childishly, looking at Amelia in excitement. 

"Just a black coffee" Amelia said, holding a wad of money out for Arizona. "It's on the house, you don't have to pay me. Go get a seat" Arizona smiled and ordered both her hot chocolate and Amelia's coffee; making sure to get two portions of biscuits, two scones, two pancakes and two cupcakes. Arizona thought that maybe if Amelia had more options she might eat.

So she grabbed some jam, some butter and some cream to go with the scones and a couple of sugars just in case Amelia wanted any in her coffee. Arizona carried the tray full of goods over to her and Amelia's table. It was quite expensive after adding all the extra snacks, but she told herself she could just bring the scraps with her to eat for supper.

"I brought some extra snacks for us, you don't have to eat them all but you're probably starving like me right now" Arizona laughed a little, trying to ignore the look of fear now on the girl's face. Arizona sucked on her straw and started drinking her hot chocolate; it was sweet and warm and it ran down her throat like honey, it really refreshed her.

"I'm not hungry" Amelia mumbled as she took a sip from her coffee, her stomach grumbling super loud and giving her whole facade away. "Please? I don't want this to go to waste, and according to your stomach it seems like you are hungry" Arizona giggled, taking one of the pancakes and smothering it in Nutella before taking a bite out of it. 

"I'll see when I'm finished my coffee" Amelia said and Arizona nodded, accepting that as an okay reasoning for now. "The pancakes are really good!" Arizona responded with her mouth full and Amelia laughed, "Chew and swallow before trying to talk" 

"S-sorry!" Arizona stuttered, swallowing her food before apologising to Amelia. "You don't have to apologise" Amelia shrugged her shoulders, continuing to drink her coffee. Amelia wished she could have something more substantial in her stomach, but she couldn't, she just couldn't.

Once Amelia had finished her coffee, Arizona began pestering her once again. "How about a scone? I know it's hard but scones are really light, it shouldn't hurt your tummy" Arizona explained, acting as if she thought Amelia wouldn't eat due to a sore tummy even though she knew it was her mind that was hurting. 

"I'm alright" Amelia smiled, trying to remain as polite as she could. "Amelia... I know you're not..." Arizona sighed, staring Amelia in the eye. "You're hurting and I know it's hard but you have to eat, please?" Arizona pleaded with Amelia. Amelia started to become defensive, "What do you know? What did Addie tell you?!?" Amelia asked, growling at Arizona.

"Amelia, she told me everything alright? But please, just eat. For me?" Arizona asked, holding her hand out across the table for Amelia. Instead of taking it, though, Amelia pulled away, standing up and holding her hands into fists; getting ready to fight. 

Arizona stood up also but she must have accidentally startled the girl because a look of terror washed over Amelia's face before she sprinted away and out the door. Arizona tried to grab her arm but Amelia was too quick. Instead of wasting time on grabbing the food to eat later, Arizona ran out the door, taking her phone out of her pocket and texting Addison.

'I'm so sorry, I lost her. I'm really scared, I don't know where she went' Arizona sent the message while looking around. She knew Addison probably wouldn't answer and if she did, it would be short but it was worth a try anyways. "Amelia!" Arizona yelled, deciding to run back towards the hospital because Amelia may be there.

Arizona started sobbing out of pure fear and guilt as she ran, which made it harder to run, but she couldn't help it. She worried that Amelia could go and do something really bad and end up hurting herself more, all because of Arizona. "Amelia, please!" Arizona yelled, wiping her tears. That's when her phone beeped, a reply from Addison.

'Check floor 3, room 7' It read and Arizona nodded, running into the hospital and up the stairs. She arrived at floor 3 quickly and looked at the rooms, walking into the one that read '7'. Addison was right, Amelia was there huddled in a ball in the corner of the room, stains of red leaking through the fabric of her sleeve. "Amelia..?" Arizona approached slowly, closing the door after herself.

"Go away! Go away! Go away!" Amelia yelled, hiding her face in her hands. Arizona ignored this, though and sat down on the floor beside Amelia, wrapping her arms around the girl in a tight, comforting hug. "It's okay not to be okay sometimes, but you have to reach out for help, you can't fight this alone and you're not expected to" Arizona explained, patting Amelia on the back.

"I miss him" Amelia began to sob, crawling into Arizona's arms like a baby. "Shh, shh, it's okay" Arizona tried to help soothe Amelia, she held the girl close to her chest and wiped her tears as they fell, so her cheeks wouldn't get too blotchy. 

"But Amelia, please talk to me or someone." Arizona sighed, running her finger's through the girl's hair. "You know you have to eat, I know you do. Can I look at your arm? I promise I won't be mad" Arizona made sure to talk with a careful delicacy, so she wouldn't hurt the girl. 

Amelia nodded and held her arm out, letting Arizona pull up the sleeve. "Amelia, do you mind if I suture those ones and bandage up the rest?" Arizona asked, pointing to the fresh cuts that looked worse than the other ones. "Fine" Amelia sighed, looking at Arizona so she didn't have to look at her arm.

Arizona grabbed the suture kit and began to suture up Amelia's arm; she felt bad because Amelia kept wincing but knew that there was we nothing she could do about it and that it was better being sutured than being infected. After Arizona was finished suturing she just cuddled her until Amelia fell asleep in her arms.


	7. Decisions

"I'm here" Addison whispered as she entered the room, closing the door after herself and slowly approaching the sleeping girl whom was in Arizona's arms. "All sutured up, but she needs nutrition Dr. Montgomery" Arizona mumbled, causing Addison to laugh slightly. "Call me Addie, will we give her an IV?" 

Arizona thought for a moment before shaking her head, "I don't think we can do that without her consent, can we?" Arizona asked and Addison shook her head, realising that forcing an IV into Amelia's arm while she slept would definitely not be a good idea. "No, we can't. But she needs nutrients, she's going to collapse somewhere if she doesn't get any" Addison sighed, you could tell she was frustrated with herself for not being able to help her little sister.

"Addie it's okay, calm down. We'll figure something out..." Arizona paused to think of an idea, "How about you slip some vitamins into her coffee?" Arizona suggested but Addison tutted in response, "Spiking drinks is illegal too, I think" Addison muttered. "I'm getting the IV supplies, I'm sorry" Addison relented and sighed, walking out of the room to grab the supplies. 

When Addison left, Amelia started shaking and crying in her sleep and Arizona was unsure of what to do. "Hush... hush... it's okay sweetheart..." Arizona hummed gently in the same way that she would to a young patient of hers having a bad dream. She ran her fingers through Amelia's hair soothingly, "It's just a bad dream, you're alright" Arizona continued to talk and it seemed to cause Amelia to fall back into her proper sleep without any nightmares. Arizona smiled in accomplishment and Addison came back, IV back and needle in her hands.

"These were hard to steal, but I got them" Addison said, she was obviously upset but knew she had to try and help her baby sister as much as she could, no matter how much trouble it could cause her. "Will I do it? I'm really good with IVs, most kids don't even cry when I do them" Arizona volunteered and Addison gratefully nodded, handing the supplies to Arizona and moving Amelia a little so her arm was in the right position.

Arizona swabbed Amelia's arm and inserted the needle and in response, Amelia jumped awake in fright. "Oww! Oww! Owie!" Amelia cried, falling forward into Arizona's arms before she noticed what was happening. "Shh, it's alright Amelia" Arizona said soothingly, patting Amelia's hair. 

Amelia glanced down to her arm where it hurt and jumped away from Arizona in fear once she saw the IV, but ended up landing in Addison's arms. "Amelia it's o-" Addison tried to reason with Amelia before she was cut off. "Get it off! Get it off! No!" Amelia screamed and ripped it out of her arm, wincing in pain once it was out.

"Amelia..." Addison sighed but Arizona moved over, grabbing Amelia and holding her tightly. "Let me go!" Amelia yelled and started hitting her, but Arizona didn't budge. "Hold your arm still, I'm going to put a bandage on that" Arizona commanded and Amelia did just that, holding her arm still while Arizona grabbed a small bandaid, placing it on the patch of her skin which had gotten injured. "Can I go now?" Amelia asked, being a bit less hostile now.

"No, you need to eat or at least take an IV, please?" Arizona asked and Amelia pouted, crossing her arms and shaking her head, "No way" She growled but received a whack on the nose in return; by Arizona. "You listen to me missy, it's not a choice, it's an order. I was just being polite. So which is it? Eating peacefully or me jabbing a needle into your arm no remorse?" Arizona's demeanour suddenly changed from soft and caring to strict and Amelia sighed, "Eat..." She finally relented, looking down at her lap.

"Perfect!" Arizona replied happily, back to her usual cheerful self. "Let's go to the cafeteria, is that alright?" She stood up and Amelia nodded, standing up also. Addison stood up and smiled at Arizona, thankful that she was able to handle the situation; because she knew she wouldn't have been able.

Arizona grabbed Amelia's sleeve and walked out with her, guiding her to the cafeteria. "What would you like to eat?" She asked and Amelia bit her lip. "T-toast" She sighed, knowing that she would have to eat something anyways and she may as well eat something light. "Alrighty!" Arizona nodded happily, walking into the cafeteria and over to the area where they had toast; grabbing two slices for Amelia.

They moved over to an empty table and all sat down. Arizona placed the slices of toast in front of Amelia and Addison just stared, hoping that Amelia would eat it. Amelia shakily cut one of the slices in half, holding it up to her mouth and taking one tiny, miniature bite. 

Even though it was only the smallest step, it was in the right direction; and that made both Arizona and Addison so proud and hopeful. "Good job" Arizona smiled as Amelia reluctantly ate some more. 

"I'm full" Amelia mumbled after eating one slice, Arizona and Addison nodded to each other. "That's okay, good job" Addison said happily, holding her hand up and letting Amelia give her a high five. Amelia smiled pridefully, even though she didn't want to eat, the praise made her feel really happy.

Arizona pulled out her phone and texted Addison, 'What next?'and then placed it back in her pocket, motioning for Addison to look at her phone. Addison took out her phone replying, 'Talk later' and then placed it back in her pocket also. "Amelia, how about we go home, to my house?" Addison asked and Amelia nodded eagerly. "Arizona, will Arizona come?"

"Sure" Amelia smiled, nudging Arizona in the side. "Yeah, I'll go" Arizona confirmed and laughed, pushing Amelia back gently so she wouldn't hurt her. "Alright, let's go!" Addison stood up and began to walk out; Arizona and Amelia walking out behind Addison, beside each other.


End file.
